How to Write a Eulogy When You Only Have a Few Days
Being asked to write a eulogy is one of the most tender responsibilities a family can hand you. You are grieving, you are tired, and now you have three or four days to put a whole life into words. Take a breath. You do not need to be a writer to do this well — you just need to be honest, specific, and kind.
This guide walks you through what a eulogy is, how to structure one, and how to deliver it without falling apart at the lectern. Most people finish a strong draft in two to three hours once they sit down.
What Is a Eulogy, Really?
A eulogy is a short speech given at a funeral or memorial service that honours the person who has died. It is not an obituary (that is the written notice in the paper), and it is not a sermon. It is a personal tribute, usually five to seven minutes long, delivered by someone who knew the person well — often a son, daughter, sibling, close friend, or grandchild.
A good eulogy does three things at once. It paints a picture of who this person was. It names what they meant to the people in the room. And it offers a small, quiet bit of comfort to everyone listening. You do not need to cover every chapter of their life. You just need a few true things, told well.
Start by Gathering, Not Writing
Before you write a single sentence, give yourself thirty minutes to gather material. Open a notebook or a blank document and jot down whatever surfaces, in any order.
- Three or four moments you remember most vividly with them
- Phrases they said often, or a favourite expression
- What they loved — work, hobbies, music, food, a place
- What they were proud of
- A small habit only the family would recognize
- The way they made other people feel
Then call one or two relatives or close friends and ask the same questions. You will hear stories you have never heard before, and one of them will almost certainly become the heart of your eulogy.
A Simple Structure That Works
You do not need a fancy template. This five-part structure handles almost every eulogy you will ever need to write.
1. Open with who you are
One sentence. "For those who don't know me, I'm Sarah — Margaret's youngest daughter."
2. Say what they meant to you
Two or three sentences naming the relationship and your gratitude for it.
3. Tell one anchor story
Pick a single moment that captures who they were. Specific beats general every time — the smell of her kitchen on Sunday mornings, the way Dad fixed the neighbour's fence without being asked, the joke she told at every Christmas dinner.
4. Widen the lens
Move from your one story to the bigger picture — what they valued, what they taught the family, what people will miss.
5. Close with a goodbye
A direct line to them, or a line to the room. "Thank you for loving her so well. She knew." Keep it short.
Writing a Eulogy for a Parent
Eulogies for a mother or father are the hardest to write, because the relationship has so many layers. The trick is not to summarize the whole relationship — it is to choose one or two threads.
Maybe your father was the person who taught you how to drive, how to lose at cards gracefully, and how to show up for people. Pick one of those. Write a paragraph about it. That single thread will say more about him than a list of his accomplishments ever could.
It is also okay to acknowledge that they were human. Naming a small imperfection — Mum's stubbornness about driving at night, Dad's terrible singing — earns a gentle laugh and makes the love feel real, not rehearsed.
How Long Should It Be?
Aim for between 700 and 1,200 words, which delivers in five to eight minutes when read aloud at a calm pace. Anything longer and the room starts to drift, no matter how beautiful the words.
If you are nervous you will rush, mark a small pause with a slash in your printed copy. Read it aloud at home with a timer. If you well up at a certain line every time, that is fine — the room expects emotion, and a pause for a breath is part of the eulogy, not a failure of it.
Delivering It on the Day
Print your eulogy in a larger font than feels necessary — 14 or 16 point, double-spaced. Number the pages. Have a glass of water nearby and a backup printed copy with a family member in case nerves take your first one.
If you think you might not be able to finish, ask a sibling or friend to stand beside you, ready to take over at a marked spot. Almost no one in the room cares whether you read every word perfectly. They care that you are honouring someone they also loved.
And if you cry — that is fine. Pause, breathe, and continue. The room is with you.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long should a eulogy be?
Most eulogies run between five and eight minutes, which is roughly 700 to 1,200 written words. Shorter is almost always better than longer — a tight, heartfelt tribute lands harder than a long one that wanders.
Can I read from notes or my phone?
Absolutely. Almost everyone reads from a printed page, and there is no expectation that you memorize it. Print it large, double-spaced, and number the pages in case you drop them.
What if I get too emotional to finish?
Pause, take a sip of water, and breathe. If you truly cannot continue, hand the page to a family member you have asked in advance to be your backup. The room will understand completely.
Should I mention difficult parts of the relationship?
A funeral is not the place to settle accounts. You can be honest about who the person was without airing grievances. Focus on what you genuinely want to celebrate or honour, and leave the rest.
How soon do I need to have it written?
Most funerals in Canada happen within five to seven days, so you typically have two to four days to draft, read aloud, and revise. Start with the gathering step the same day you are asked.
Writing a eulogy is hard enough without also worrying about funeral bills, outstanding debts, or rushing to find paperwork. Many families discover, too late, that life insurance is what gives the people they love the space to grieve properly — to write the eulogy, plan the service, and simply be present. Pre-planning a small policy is one of the quietest, kindest gifts you can leave behind.